Snoozing and Losing

January 29, 2012

Remember the saying, “You snooze, you lose?”  I do.  This cutesy phrase is really just a slur against nocturnals.  People who say this in reference to actually sleeping or snoozing are saying that if you sleep late, you’ll miss out on all the fabulous bounty offered by the morning.  You know, coffee, breakfast, sunrises, morning television….all the things I don’t give a crap about.    Let’s see, coffee?  I’ve never had a sip.  Breakfast?  Take it or leave it.  Sunrises?  Sunsets are much more spectacular.  Jesus freaks love sunrises since they are reminded of churches built in the 1960’s that have those cheesy Christ paintings with sunrise shooting out in every direction.  Not interested.  Morning television?  Those people should be drawn and quartered for their a.m. happiness.

This project is becoming more difficult than I had previously imagined for the following reasons:

  • Falling in love with mornings will take a lot longer than getting over my long-standing relationship with the night.
  • I’m finding it nearly impossible to force myself to go to sleep at a decent hour.
  • My husband still goes to sleep after midnight on work nights making me jealous.
  • If my husband went to sleep at the same time as me, I would feel like he was “humoring” me, and I would get claustrophobic.
  • There’s way too much fantastic television to watch.

I love the night.  I love the moon.  I love the dark.  I love running at night.  Vampirism would not crimp my lifestyle one bit…except for maybe the blood issue and the killing…..but not the nights.

I’m like a ten-year old with bedtimes.  I can hear the whining in my head when it’s time to turn in, “But I just wanna watch one more show mom!”

Sean goes to bed sometime around midnight or a little after, but he gets up when he wants.  He also eats lunch when he wants, and goes to the bathroom when he wants.  Teachers don’t get these luxuries.  I am extremely envious of his schedule.  I want to have a two-hour lunch with some friends.  But then again, he has the willpower to go BACK to work, when I would make that two-hour lunch into a four-hour lunch/dinner/drinks.  So I suppose my schedule is working in my favor.

Sean humors me sometimes by going to sleep at the same time as me.  That seems so Mike and Carol Brady to me.  Like we should be wearing robes that match our pajamas and discuss our kids weekly issues with phony boyfriends, big men on campus, and possible recording contracts.  We have cats.

Television.  This is my drug of choice.  I am completely addicted to that fabulous box of fictitious characters I call friends.  Our DVR has fifty series scheduled to record.  Fifty.  That’s the most allowed.  If it would allow more, I would record more.  But it’s not just current television.  We also have Netflix streaming every television show I’ve ever loved.  I recently watched twelve straight hours of Star Trek, the original series season one since Sean was out-of-town, and I was on vacation.  I stayed up until 5 one morning on a Vampire Diaries bender.  And then there are movies on HBO…. It’s almost physically painful to push the power button on the remote control.

Why can’t I DVR sleep?

Today was a wash.  I got up before noon, but I didn’t go to bed until 2 the night before.  I really enjoyed that snooze, but I didn’t go running like I wanted to and needed to after eating my weight in pulled pork the night previous.

To those diurnals who hate us nocturnals for our snoozing in the morning…the only thing we’re losing is the overly cheerful faces of people who have never experienced the euphoria of a marriage to the night….or have grown up too much and can’t get back to Neverland….my Neverland, where it’s always night.

I’m experiencing some lifestyle change backlash.


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